Compromising
Ask yourself this: do you give too much or too little? Being at either end of the spectrum really doesn’t work well in relationships.
If you compromise too much you may be giving up who you really are and potentially become unaware that you are allowing toxic resentment to develop gradually. Compromise too little and you may be putting yourself first to the exclusion of the person you love.
Ultimately honest communication is essential to establish what your needs are. It’s all too easy to be lost in the heady gorgeous haze of the honeymoon period of a relationship that can fog the lens of reality.
Who do you think you are?
Did you really listen on those first dates and the subsequent ones when the object of your affection felt comfortable enough to unpack some of their baggage?
Did you care enough to hear and appreciate the psychological make-up that was created by their personal background and upbringing?
Learning about a person’s past, family life, living situation, education, achievements and disappointments is all part of the wondrous experience of discovering someone. But are you picking up the messages and building a mental picture of who they are now and why they may behave or react to things the way they do? Paying attention pays dividends.
Splashing the cash
Once we have figured out life, it’s time to check out, so listen to your elders for they know a lot better than us. A gaudy and flashy display of expenditure is as useless as a peacock without any tail feathers.
Lavishing expensive gifts on someone can make them feel uncomfortable and obligated, not to mention worried about how they might reciprocate. I would recommend instead that a thoughtful note, the return to a special place that you both love, surprising them with a piece of music or a poem will be worth more than its weight in gold and last centuries.
Touch the heart not the wallet if you want to make an impression.
Active listening
Perhaps the most important relationship rule of all. Is there anything more annoying than someone seeming to have never listened to anything that you say? What about when you poured your heart out about something incredibly sensitive and important that took such courage to say?
When you are a participant in a relationship have the sensitivity to recognise and remember these things. Your partner will feel and experience tangible evidence that you really are an active listener and that you care deeply about the things that matter to them. Don’t just listen; ask questions, provide feedback on what you think they mean to gauge both clear comprehension and the depth of importance.
There relationship rules have been tried and tested, believe me. Ignore them at your peril.
