Dating again after divorce can be an extremely daunting prospect when you’re feeling disillusioned and alone. It’s something you probably never imagined you would find yourself considering again and the very thought of it can be frightening. If the last time you went on a date was many years ago you will have many unanswered questions such as:
- How do I meet like-minded people?
- Will it be awkward or embarrassing?
- How does it all work these days?
- Are there any dating dos and don’ts?
- How do I know if I am ready to date yet?
- What will my family and friends think?
- Will I ever find love again?
These are very normal questions to ask and it is very common to find yourself struggling with the concept of dating, even though you would very much like to find someone new to share your life with.
This first step is to get clear about whether you are ready to start dating yet. For some of you it will take longer to heal from your last relationship than others. You need to get to a strong enough emotional position that you have something positive to offer a new partner. Although be honest with yourself as there is a fine line between being feeling you may be ready to dip your toe in the dating game and hanging on to the past so that you don’t have to face the challenge of meeting someone new. Be brave as this could be the door to a whole new happy future for yourself and you don’t have to jump right into dating you can take it very slowly.
If you are unsure whether you are over your last partner then check out my new app “7 Steps to a Better Break-Up” designed to help you cope better when your relationship comes to an end. You will be able to get clarity on whether you are ready to start dating again.
There are lots of people dating again later in life now. According to figures published by Britain’s Office for National Statistics between 2011 and 2012 the number of grooms in their late sixties increased by 25% while brides of the same age went up by 21%. One in 10 had been single, two-thirds divorced, and the rest widowed before tying the knot. It is now widely accepted that dating has no age limit so there is absolutely no need to feel awkward or embarrassed about it.
Agencies like Maclynn make dating easier as they as experts at pulling like-minded people together in a relaxed environment. They do all the hard work and organisation so all you have to do is turn up. I have attended a few of their events and have met some great people who have gone on to become friends.
Of course your family and friends may find it a little uncomfortable if they are used to seeing you with your ex. However it is your life and it is for you to make your own decisions. Be sensitive to others’ feelings and also your ex-partner if they are not ready to move on yet. You don’t have to parade your new date around in front of them but don’t let other people’s issues get in the way of you finding happiness with someone else.
When you are selecting a potential partner have a good think about what went wrong in your previous relationships. Make sure you learn from your past mistakes so you don’t repeat the same patterns. Be open minded to trying out someone who looks a little different from your usual type.
Here are my top 7 dos and don’ts of dating after divorce:
- When you are starting the process of selecting a potential partner, have a good think about what went wrong in your previous relationships
- Try to draw on your past dating experiences, no matter how long ago it was. Recognise mistakes so you don’t repeat the same patterns
- Be confident, you’ll be surprised who many people are also on their first date in years
- Dress comfortably! There’s nothing worse than being nervous on your first date and not being able to walk in your 6inch heals
- Be open minded to trying out someone who looks a little different from your usual type, or has different interests
- Don’t talk about your ex on the first date. Nobody wants to hear a sob story
- Be yourself. There is no point pretending to be someone you are not as the relationship will not be based on truth and honesty and will have less of a chance of working out in the long run
Dating can be a fun and exciting stepping stone to take you forward into your new future. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to meet Mr or Mrs Right. You may have to go on a few dates until you start to understand how it all works and what you really are looking for. Remember that statistics show that there are lots of people who have gone on to be even happier with a new partner found later in life. That could be you…
By Sara Davison
Sara Davison is a break-up, separation and divorce coach who recently launched the UK’s first divorce coaching program and app ‘7 Steps to a better Break up’. You can read more from her on her blog http://saradavison.com/blog/ or follow her on facebook or twitter @SDDivorceCoach
