Divorce is a significant life change that can disrupt your emotional world, yet it also presents an opportunity for personal growth and new beginnings.
In this guide, with expert insights from leading divorce coach Sara Davison, the ‘Queen of Hearts’ Kim Sarrasin and our team of professional matchmakers, we’ve put together the essential guide to dating after divorce to help you re-enter the dating scene with confidence and purpose.
The Intense Emotions of Dating After Divorce
The aftermath of a divorce can make you feel like your past identity has become a distant part of who you used to be. The place you find yourself in might look a little different, whether that’s from a financial perspective, your social group, or what you’re seeking from life.
According to Sara Davison, the UK’s leading divorce coach, there are several questions which can commonly surface as you face the prospect of re-entering the dating scene:
- How do I meet like-minded people?
- Will it be awkward or embarrassing?
- How does it all work these days?
- Are there any dating dos and don’ts?
- How do I know if I am ready to date yet?
- What will my family and friends think?
- Will I ever find true love again?
While these are completely normal questions to be asking yourself, and it’s not unusual to be struggling with the concept of dating again, confronting these anxieties is one of the key steps to doing so meaningfully and purposefully, in a way that protects your emotions.
It’s also important to prepare yourself for a dating scene which might have changed from when you first met your ex-partner. But, that doesn’t mean you have to write it off entirely.
Embracing New Beginnings After Divorce
Divorce is something that can pull your psyche in two and polarise you in ways you never expected. The emotional and physical impact is not to be underestimated, nor is the rebuild.
But can there be a positive side to divorce, too? We believe there can be. Sometimes, the end of a marriage also spells opportunity; such as the opportunity to use your life experience and wisdom to be the architect of a new romantic existence.
Just as divorce can give a man or a woman the adrenaline shot they need to reboot their careers, it may also be what’s needed for a better romantic life. If you love having a companion along for your life adventure, now is the perfect opportunity to reverse past relationship mistakes and get it right.
“It is now widely accepted that dating has no age limit so there is absolutely no need to feel awkward or embarrassed about it.”
— Sara Davison
What Is Dating After Divorce Like in Your 30s, 40s, and Beyond?
As we transition through our 30s and beyond, the reality is that dating takes on new dimensions. The frivolity of 20s romance often gives way to more substantial expectations and fewer social opportunities with age.
You may find the fabric of your social life has evolved. The wedding season frenzy of your 30s transitions into parenting stages or career consolidations, shrinking social circles and a change in the ways you can meet potential partners.
This stage of life demands more strategic approaches to dating and meeting new people, often focusing on quality over quantity and seeking deeper, more meaningful connections that align with your evolved lifestyle and values.
“Be crystal clear about your ‘dealbreakers’ and use discernment while dating,” says Kim. “A second marriage/relationship is about a mate and partnership that will go the distance. It must be able to carry you through the challenges occurring in your 50’s/60’s/70’s (illness, gravity, money etc..)”
“Focus less on sexual attraction, and more on shared values and aspirations.”
Are You Ready to Date Again? Self-Assessment and Preparation
Deciding when you’re ready to date again after divorce is a deeply personal decision, one that involves honest self-assessment and preparation. Sara Davison stresses the importance of feeling emotionally prepared to open your heart again:
“For some of you, it will take longer to heal from your last relationship than others. You need to get to a strong enough emotional position that you have something positive to offer a new partner.
“Be honest with yourself – there is a fine line between feeling you may be ready to dip your toe in the dating game and hanging on to the past so that you don’t have to face the challenge of meeting someone new.”
This involves reflecting on your past relationship to ensure you’ve fully healed and are not carrying unresolved feelings into new interactions:
“From my experience with clients, taking a minimum two-year sabbatical works wonders, to help you gain closure on the marriage and get to know yourself as an individual again,” says Kim Sarrasin.
“To accelerate the healing, I also recommend working with a professional life coach or therapist.”
Evaluate Your Emotional Readiness
- Reflection: Consider how you talk about your ex and your divorce. If you find yourself speaking negatively or with unresolved anger, it may be a red flag and a sign you need more time.
- Happiness in Solitude: Ensure you’re content with your own company. Being comfortable alone is key before adding someone else to your life.
- Emotional Availability: Are you ready to invest emotionally in someone else? You should feel capable of offering emotional support and opening up about your feelings.
Logistical Considerations for Dating After Divorce
- Understanding Dating Platforms: Whether we like it or not, dating apps and online dating have become one of the most accessible ways to meet a new partner. Familiarise yourself with them; different platforms can cater to distinct preferences and demographics.
- Profile Setup: Create a dating profile that reflects your true, honest self, including interests, goals, and what you’re looking for in a partner.
- Balance Personal Commitments: Juggling personal commitments is part of planning for your dating life. Consider whether you can justifiably set up a reliable support system for childcare, for example, before stepping into the dating scene.
Practical Steps to Start Dating
- Socialise: Engage in activities that interest you. Whether it’s a cooking class, a new sport or volunteer work, getting out there really helps to rebuild your social network.
- Consult Friends: Sometimes friends can provide insightful advice and might even know someone who could be a good match for you.
- Professional Help: Consider reaching out to personalised matchmaking services like Maclynn, where our professionals can guide you through the dating process tailored to your specific needs.
Embracing Dating After Divorce With Professional Guidance
If you’re a successful professional, you’ll be well-accustomed to optimising your life at work for the greatest efficiency. When it comes to dating after divorce, it doesn’t have to be any different.
With professional guidance from expert matchmakers and date coaches like our team here at Maclynn, you can embrace this new chapter with confidence and strategic support. Our psychology-led approach is particularly beneficial for those emerging from a divorce.
- Tailored Matchmaking: Each of our clients receives personalised attention, ensuring that potential matches are compatible with your interests and lifestyle and are emotionally suitable. Our bespoke service considers your past experiences and future desires to pair you with potential partners who are truly aligned with your life.
- Emotional Intelligence: Leveraging their expertise in psychology, Maclynn’s matchmakers and coaches help you understand your own emotional patterns, which can be particularly transformative for those who have experienced the emotional turmoil of divorce.
- Expert Date Coaching: Maclynn’s date coaches provide invaluable advice on how to approach dating with a fresh perspective, helping you to present the best version of yourself. This coaching includes tips on communication, body language and how to effectively convey your needs and expectations.
7 Tips for Dating Again After Divorce
You don’t have to navigate dating after divorce alone. Here are 7 pieces of advice which combine the insights and expertise of our expert matchmakers, along with Sara Davison and Kim Sarrasin:
1. Mindset Adjustment
Approach dating with a positive but realistic outlook. Remember, not every date will lead to a lasting relationship, but each one is an opportunity to learn and grow.
“I’m always advising my clients that you need to develop two things when you’re dating: a) a thick skin and b) a sense of humour!”
“Dating after divorce involves distinct phases. Once you have taken time to heal, then you need to allow yourself time to meet a few people and get used to dating without having any expectations of where it could lead. Enjoy the experience, and when a date doesn’t go quite as you had hoped, see the funny side!” says Kim.
2. Presentation Matters
While appearances aren’t everything, feeling good about how you look can boost your confidence significantly. Consider updating your wardrobe or trying a new hairstyle to reflect your current self:
“Divorce and breakups can be damaging to our self-esteem and ego. The mind and body are interconnected, so a quick starting point to begin recovery is to do some outer, tangible ‘sprucing up’,” says Kim.
But, most importantly, be comfortable.“Make one drastic change only,” Kim also advises.
3. Set Realistic Expectations
It’s important to set realistic expectations for both yourself and the people you’ll meet. Understand that everyone comes with their own history and that finding someone compatible might take time.
4. Learn from the Past
Use your previous experiences to guide what you do and don’t want in a future relationship. Reflecting on what went wrong in your marriage can help you avoid similar pitfalls.
“When you are selecting a potential partner, have a good think about what went wrong in your previous relationships,” says Sara.
“Make sure you learn from your past mistakes so you don’t repeat the same patterns. Be open-minded to trying out someone who looks a little different from your usual type.”
5. Keep Conversations Balanced
While it’s natural to discuss past relationships, focus on ensuring conversations are balanced. Talk about interests, ambitions and topics that bring joy.
6. Expand Social Circles
Don’t limit yourself to traditional means of meeting people. Attend new events, try new hobbies and expand your social circles to increase your chances of meeting someone organically.
With divorce, you might also have experienced what Kim refers to as a “division of friends”:
“Rather than dwell on this, gather together a social safety net of new friends you can laugh, cry and socialise with. This is a new chapter in your life, so an opportunity to welcome in new people.”
7. Embrace the New Start
Every date is a step forward in your journey. Whether a date turns into a romance or just a good conversation, each experience is a building block towards your new life.
“My best advice is to approach this new chapter in your life as an opportunity to celebrate you and the person you were before the divorce – combined with the wisdom you have accumulated through your life experience while you were married.”
“I bet if you take a peek underneath the pain, there’s a pretty amazing person just below the surface,” says Kim.
Finding Love After Divorce: 3 Matchmaker Strategies for Long-Term Success
While dipping your toe in the casual dating pool after divorce can be fun, and even potentially the confidence boost you need, if your goal is to meet a new long-term partner then it’s essential to look beyond the surface and prioritise what truly matters in your next relationship.
- Prioritise Shared Values: Really consider your values and aspirations – they may have evolved since your divorce – and ensure that potential partners share them.
- Engage in Meaningful Conversations: Early conversations should touch on fundamental beliefs, goals and passions. This helps in identifying if there is a deeper connection beyond initial attraction.
- Expand Your Horizons: Be open to meeting people who might not fit your traditional ‘type’ but who share your values and vision for the future.
Moving On After Divorce With More Meaningful Dating
Dating and moving on after divorce may seem daunting, but it is also a passage to new beginnings. The idea is to seize the day. Love yourself first and know that it’s an opportunity to be more selective. And with expert help identify a truly compatible and sensational happily ever after for your heart and soul.
Enquire With Maclynn’s London Matchmakers
By taking the time to process your emotions and what you’re seeking before you step into the dating scene, you set the stage for deeper, more meaningful connections.
If you’re ready to embrace post-divorce dating and find a partner but want to do so with our guidance and support, our team of expert matchmakers is here. You’ll be assigned a dedicated matchmaker who will come to know you like a friend, making insightful matches with compatible individuals who share your goals and ambitions.
Let Maclynn’s bespoke, psychology-led matchmaking services help you find the joy and companionship you deserve in your next relationship. Enquire with our expert team today.
Sara Davison is a break-up, separation and divorce coach who launched the UK’s first divorce coaching program and app, ‘7 Steps to a Better Break Up’. You can read more from her on her blog http://saradavison.com/blog/ or follow her on Facebook or X @SDDivorceCoach.
Kim Sarrasin is known as the Queen of Hearts – and a force to be reckoned with. Through her private coaching programs, seminars and numerous media appearances, Kim has developed lightening fast methods to help you quickly connect with your soulmate. Learn more: @queenkimsarrasin.
