When you find yourself single in your forties, it might feel like the dating pool has become more of a dating swamp. With less eligible people to choose from and a mass of bad experiences behind you, it’s easy to become jaded about the whole love thing. From my own experience of hosting hundreds of dating events, whether you are divorced and looking for a second chance at love or you have been on the dating scene for decades, your forties can be an amazing time to find love.

My mantra for finding love at this time of life is much like meditation, you must be patient, positive and present.

Be Patient

I know it’s easy to want it to happen yesterday, before you get any older and or develop any more wrinkles! But this isn’t the right attitude and is going to be like trying to catch an eel, the harder you try to grasp it, the more you’ll keep finding lasting love slips right through your fingers. You are at the perfect age for finding love, you come with wisdom, life experiences and a deeper knowledge of self. But don’t rush it, enjoy this journey, date, meet wonderful people and have fun! If at any point it starts to feel like a chore, take a break and focus on yourself and your interests.  You’ll return with fresh enthusiasm and great stories to share.

There’s nothing worse than meeting someone who has nothing to talk about than their bad dates, so make sure you have interesting hobbies and interests. Join social events or classes, widen your circle and make the most of your freedom. You’ll find you won’t be in such a rush to change your circumstances when your life is bursting with vibrancy. In fact when your energy is high, you’ll find people are most drawn to you and love is likely to come faster.

Be Positive

By this age you will be certain about who you are and what you want from life and a partner, and this is a very attractive quality. Don’t skimp on the truth, what you think of as your baggage or flaws, will undoubtable be a positive attractive attribute to some people. Having children, to another parent is usually looked upon favourable. You’ll understand the pressures of family life and finding time to date might not be a priority, so if you do both make time then you know it’s because it’s worth it. Not having children, to someone else will mean you are free to have adventures and be spontaneous and can make then the centre of your world.

Be assured that you won’t before everyone and this is fine, it fact it’s great! Being uniquely you means that when you find the person whose values and qualities most align with yours, you’ll be able to build something lasting and genuine.  You are in the perfect time of your life for someone, not everyone, and this is the right person for you!

Likewise give other people a chance to make a good impression. You will be less driven by hormones now, so superficial traits like what shoes someone is wearing shouldn’t turn you off. Don’t make snap decisions when meeting someone new, always aim to give a prospective partner a second or third till date, before you make a decision.

Be Present

Thoughts of past experiences that didn’t work out, and anxiety about the future are normal when the stakes seem high. Bad dates or ex’s might intrude in your judgements about new people, this is good in many ways because you’ve learnt about what does and doesn’t work for you.

Try not to get caught up in thoughts about what friends or family might think about the person you are going on a date with either. You have enough experience under your belt to make good decisions based on your values.

It’s a good idea at any age to have a list of values you look for in a partner. Maybe family, integrity or a sense of adventure are important to you. Whatever they are, focus on discovering if the man or woman you are getting to know possesses these traits. Stay in the moment and trust how you feel when you are around them. Right now your life is in a great place and there’s never been a better time to find love.

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