Swipe fatigue is real. As a matchmaker I know that better than most. Although if you’re reading this, you’re probably no stranger to it yourself.

I see it all the time among new clients. They’re desperate for some escape from the drudgery of snappy bios and touched-up selfies, stale conversations and perennial ghosting.

So many have been using dating apps for literally years—some for over a decade! They’ve been on countless dates, yet still feel no closer to meeting The One than when they started out, back in those heady halcyon days of hope and heat.

Today, by the time they come to me, they are Burnt. Out.

But, especially recently, I make sure to tell them: “You’ve come to me at a really good time.”

Because there is a shift happening right now in the zeitgeist. Perhaps more than at any other point during my career as a matchmaker, singles are embracing intentional dating.

What does it mean to date with “intention”?

Intentional dating is a mindful, purposeful approach to finding love. It’s about being clear on who you are, firm on what you’re looking for, and confident in what you can bring to a relationship, then putting those insights into action as you go out in the world to find a partner.

Intentional dating prioritises depth, emotional availability and shared values over expansive checklists, fleeting chemistry and constant novelty. In all these ways and more that we’ll get into, it stands in stark contrast to the often passive or reactive approach to dating fostered by the apps.

When you date with intention, you:

  • have clarity of purpose: you know what the relationship you want will actually look like, in both the day-to-day and long term
  • remain self-aware: you understand your own needs, values, boundaries and attachment style 
  • stay mindful when considering your options: you select potential partners according to shared values, compatibility and emotional readiness, as opposed to superficial attraction or convenience 
  • ensure open communication: you’re honest and upfront early on about your intentions, expectations and relationship goals 
  • exercise patience: you give connections the space they need to develop organically, rather than rushing into intimacy, or setting a hard deadline after which you vow you’ll move on to something new.

What’s driving the resurgence of intentionality?

Decision fatigue and the paradox of choice

Dating apps offer up an essentially endless smörgåsbord of potential romantic interests. Yet as the psychologist Barry Schwartz has explored in immense depth, when it comes to so many aspects of our lives, including dating, more can sometimes be less.

Counterintuitive as this idea may seem, we’re generally overwhelmed by an abundance of choices, which leads to poor decision making or even just an outright avoidance of any decision making at all. Having a buffet of options to peruse, ponder, and pontificate about is less liberating, more paralysing, and it’s no different when it comes to dating. It’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly wondering whether there’s someone even better, someone even more compatible, waiting just a swipe away. Focusing on intentional dating helps you knock this maladaptive behaviour on the head, by continually orienting your decisions toward quality over quantity.

Self-determination

Self-determination theory posits that people thrive when they act from a place of intrinsic motivation—that is, when they pursue activities only when they authentically align with their core values and emotional goals.

Intentional dating very much falls into the category of a behaviour rooted in intrinsic motivation, as opposed to extrinsic motivation, which is when we act performatively for social validation, or impulsively for a dopamine hit. When you date intentionally, you empower yourself to select a partner who actually fits into the long-term vision you have for your life.

Attachment security and emotional readiness

Intentional dating fosters secure bonding because it produces clarity, consistency and communication—all essential for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

When two singles come together and are frank and transparent about what they’re looking for, they dramatically reduce the ambiguity and anxiety that so often plague modern dating, especially those connections that originate on the apps. In this way, they lay the groundwork for something that could truly stand the test of time—in fact, securely attached individuals consistently report higher relationship satisfaction and greater relationship longevity.

Narrative identity

I’m seeing it firsthand in my capacity as a matchmaker: more and more singles are reclaiming their own dating stories. They’re firmyly rejecting the notion that the apps should dictate how and when they date. They’re refusing to be victims to a chaotic system. They’re holding the line on their standards rather than just accepting whatever comes their way. And now more than ever, they’re becoming the authors of their own romantic narratives.

Common misconceptions

Dating with intention does not mean:

  • mistaking intentional dating for being ‘too rigid’ or ‘too serious’: in reality, it’s about being clear and grounded, not intense or inflexible
  • waiting for perfect clarity before getting started: this isn’t about having a five-year plan for your love life. Dating intentionally simply means knowing the direction you want to move in, and being honest about it with your dates, even while the details are still unfolding 
  • killing chemistry: quite the opposite: slower pacing, genuine curiosity and clear communication are conducive to deeper emotional intimacy, and in turn a more sustainable, long-lasting connection, because it’s built on shared understanding rather than the shaky foundations of nothing but infatuation and the honeymoon period 
  • saying goodbye to fun: no way! Purpose and playfulness are most certainly not mutually exclusive. In fact, intentionality enables you to enjoy dating more, because you’re not constantly worrying about misinterpreting signals or wasting your time. Dating intentionally doesn’t negate opportunities for spontaneity or unexpected connections. If anything, it sows the seed for those moments of joy to crop up more often.

“Our British clients are so done with superficiality. They feel like everything about modern dating is pushing them to be lesser versions of their true selves. So it’s refreshing to see more and more being proactive in their approach to dating, even when that means ditching the apps entirely. Ultimately, it’s about knowing your value as a partner—then going out with courage to manifest the relationship you deserve.”

Navigating British swipe culture

I’ve been matchmaking for long enough to know that the stereotypes are true: when Brits date, a lot of us retain a certain level of reservation in our disposition. We like our courtship understated and would prefer it stayed that way.

But global swipe culture has impacted Brits’ dating idiosyncrasies. The apps may offer unparallelled convenience, sure. But they’ve also exacerbated and normalised ghosting, ambiguity, and the relentless pursuit of novelty and excitement. So many people now just feel like they’re wading through an unending slew of shallow, meaningless connections. They’re crying out for something new and, in my opinion, the rise of intentional dating is a direct rebellion against this dating fatigue. It represents a return to the more traditional values of courtship—not in a restrictive sense, but rather by bringing to the fore sincerity, effort, and real commitment.

The pitfalls of unintentional dating

  • Wasted time, investing in connections that were never aligned with your long-term goals in the first place
  • Emotional exhaustion from chronic uncertainty and a widespread lack of actual dedication to dating 
  • Settling for less, accepting situationships, or partners who fundamentally don’t meet your needs simply for fear of being alone 
  • Perpetuating unhealthy patterns, unknowingly (or even knowingly) repeating old mistakes, or attracting incompatible partners over and over again

How your matchmaker can help

Your dedicated matchmaker isn’t just there to introduce you to eligible singles they’re the guide by your side every step of the way along your dating journey.

Your matchmaker will:

  • clarify your vision, empowering you to articulate your true desires for and non-negotiables in a relationship 
  • vet your introductions, ensuring you’re connected only with highly compatible individuals who share your intentionality for finding a serious, committed relationship 
  • offer coaching and support, providing feedback, helping you find your personal boundaries, and showing you how to navigate the early stages of a relationship with purpose and self-awareness.

‘You’re intentional with every aspect of your life—your career, health, finances. Why should dating be any different?’

Cultivate a love that lasts

Despite misconceptions, intentional dating couldn’t be further from inflexibility or predictability. It’s about empowering yourself with a vision for your future, and not deviating from that unless you consciously choose to do so with good reason.

Slowly but surely, lovely single Brits are rediscovering the joy in dating for alignment and true connection over transient excitement. And by understanding the psychological drivers behind this shift and adopting a more conscious approach, you too can reclaim your romantic narrative.

Working with one of Maclynn’s expert team, move beyond casual connections to a relationship built on purpose, passion, and the kind of compatibility you never thought possible. Get in touch today, and together let’s help you date with clear eyes, a clear heart—and clear intentions.