The psychology behind relationship issues is an intricate, inextricably tangled web of the complexities of two people’s life and love histories. But a relationship is perhaps the most beautiful thing we can ever experience, and understanding how to address and overcome issues – inevitable in any long-term partnership – is the key to a happy life.
The puzzle of commitment
It can take an entire lifetime to get to know your partner, and building a trusting and fruitful relationship takes time, warmth and affection. One partner may struggle with commitment if they have been hurt in the past, let down, betrayed. Trust is a delicate thing; once broken, it is difficult to rebuild – even after you’ve moved on to someone new. The other partner might have commitment problems for very different reasons, perhaps stemming from childhood. Perhaps they were raised in a household of unhappily married parents who stayed together only for the sake of the children. Such an environment does not imbue in children the notion of what it means to have a caring and loving relationship with another person.
If your relationship issues relate to commitment issues due to a past of emotional hurt, intimacy issues may well relate to having been abused or physically hurt. Alternatively, low self-esteem or a fragile sense of body confidence can leave people bashful about, or downright ashamed of, their appearance. Problems in the bedroom often arise when one partner has a greater sex drive than the other; or, the two of them just have disparate tastes or preferences. One partner might be more adventurous, the other tending towards a more conservative approach, preferring things to be kept familiar, grounded.
As with any issue in your relationship, communication is key. Partners mustn’t bottle up their emotions, their frustrations, or problems can bubble over and harm the relationship as a whole. The issues often aren’t personal, and partners need to reassure each other that their frustration stems only from a sheer desire for things to work. Give it time, and consider that sometimes having a little space from each other can do you both the world of good. Maybe you both just need to recharge and realize how much you truly yearn for one another.
Overcoming the issues – together
Scars run deep, but if you love someone then you accept them wholeheartedly in their entirety – extra baggage included. The two of you can sit down and address the problems at hand, eke out their origin and discover why they still exist. Encourage your partner to articulate exactly what it is they are anxious about or fearful of within your relationship. Perhaps seeking professional guidance or support is an option.
Committing yourself and your life entirely to another is a remarkable notion – but, no relationship is immune to the perils of everyday life. Nor should it be: these are the very things that make up the fabric of the life we lead, and to overcome obstacles is just as important and character-building for a relationship as is enjoying the good times.
Give it as long as it takes. Love is a rare gift indeed. There is nothing more amazing than surrendering your heart to another person – even if that person just needs a little nurturing, a little reassurance that you love them and them alone. Sometimes, a little coaxing out of their shell is all that is needed to see your relationship blossom.
Here at Maclynn (formerly Vida), we offer relationship coaching and guidance to all of our clients. Our in-house relationship psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree has over fifteen years of experience helping individuals overcome the barriers we so often put up in our heads that stop us from achieving true happiness in our relationships. All of our matchmakers are highly trained in getting only the best out of you and understanding precisely whom your ultimate partner would be, based on the most important part of a relationship of all: what you both value.
Why not see if we can’t weave a little matchmaking magic in your life and guide you towards the path of true happiness? Get in touch today – fall in love tomorrow.