Working your way through online dating is like escaping a labyrinth: the endless swiping, the demoralising ghosting, the vaguely worded profiles… all leaving you exhausted, frustrated, and utterly disillusioned with your hopes of finding love.

It’s almost like modern dating has ambiguity baked in. Often it seems inherently hard to know whether the person you’re talking to shares your goals and values. With this in mind, loud looking sees singles stating explicitly their dating intentions and boundaries, whether they’re seeking something casual or long-term. For many clients, simply articulating what they want in this way brings an immediate sense of relief, as they cut out weeks or even months of uncertainty and hesitation.

What is loud looking?

Communicating your dating intentions directly and unambiguously

Rather than waiting for hints, examining subtext, or interpreting the vaguest of signals, loud looking sees singles declare exactly what they’re looking for.

Loud looking may be simple in theory, but it’s transformative in practice. By stating your intentions upfront, you set a precedent of transparency which encourages your potential partner to do the same.

  • Clear statements in dating profiles
  • Open conversations early in the dating process
  • Honesty about dealbreakers, personal boundaries and lifestyle priorities
  • Disambiguation of intention to avoid misunderstanding and wasted effort

“I’ve seen loud looking save clients so much precious emotional energy, as it enables them to quickly filter out mismatches and bring compatibility fully into focus.”

What cultural shifts are fuelling this trend?

Dating fatigue

Long-term exposure to dating apps leaves many singles drained. Endless swiping and ghosting cycles produce emotional burnout. Loud looking is a direct response, a way to avoid the noise, to prioritise meaningful connections over superficial interactions.

Gen Z and Millennial communication styles 

More and more younger people are embracing transparency and directness. It seems to me that social media has led to many expecting clarity, and then they apply this expectation to their dating lives. Why play games when honesty is far more effective?

Prioritising emotional efficiency

Loud looking reduces emotional ambiguity. Instead of investing in uncertain matches, singles can focus all their emotional resources on those whose goals, values and lifestyles genuinely align with theirs. Loud looking means spending time wisely, avoiding unnecessary but foreseeable disappointment.

Moreover, by defining what you want upfront, you gain insights into your own priorities and patterns. This helps mitigate the repetition of past dating mistakes, and fosters a mindset of intentionality, rather than passive hope or reactionary behaviour, empowering you to engage with dating on your own terms.

The pandemic effect 

The unique sociocultural environment of the early 2020s reshaped many people’s dating priorities. At Maclynn we witnessed many singles realising they yearned for depth and clarity over casual or ambiguous connections. Loud looking is simply a natural evolution of this shift, a tool for intentional and values-aligned dating. Now, more singles are prioritising compatibility and emotional security, making clear communication more essential than ever.

“Being upfront about your intentions isn’t rude or ‘improper’. It liberates you to move forward free from confusion.”

How to practice loud looking

Loud looking sounds simple, but it does require intentionality and emotional intelligence.

Profile clarity

  • Explicitly state what you want in a relationship, whatever that looks like for you
  • Include interests and lifestyle preferences to attract compatible matches
  • Subtly introduce your boundaries: ‘Looking for someone who respects downtime and a good work–life balance’
  • Consider briefly touching on your values or life goals, as this gives potential matches a clearer picture of how the two of you might align: ‘Seeking a partner up for weekend hikes and Sunday brunches!’
  • Regularly review your profile and messages to ensure consistency and authenticity
  • Seek feedback from loved ones or a coach to refine tone and messaging

Early conversations

  • Discuss your expectations within the first few dates, as this mitigates awkward assumptions and wasting emotional investment, making the dating process much more respectful and transparent
  • Ask direct questions: “How do you feel about exclusivity?”; “What’s your vision for a relationship?”
  • Normalise conversation about dealbreakers to avoid wasting your time
  • Share examples of what works for you; your preferred communication style, your weekend routine, how you split your time between work and home, to signal compatibility
  • Use humour to soften direct statements; clarity needn’t feel stiff

Consistency

  • Align your words with your actions: if you say you want honesty, demonstrate that through your texts and behaviour
  • Avoid sending mixed signals, or otherwise ‘testing’ your match
  • Be patient if your match takes time to reciprocate openness. Remember, compatibility is a process

Boundary setting

  • Be clear about your values and dealbreakers
  • Recognise when your non-negotiables simply don’t align with this person, move on, and believe in your decision that they weren’t right for you
  • Reflect on where you didn’t set clear enough boundaries in the past

Not every match will work out, and you may get hurt at some point. But at least by being upfront you reduce emotional investment in incompatible connections, sparing yourself much frustration and heartbreak. Over time, this approach also builds your confidence, and sees you navigate rejection with grace.

And avoid these common mistakes:

  • Coming across as overly harsh: Directness is effective, but acting judgy or with outright hostility will serve only to repel potentially good matches.
  • Being inconsistent: Saying one thing but doing another produces confusion and erodes trust.
  • Assuming understanding: Explicit language is vital so don’t rely on subtlety or assumptions about what your match ‘should know’.
  • Skipping emotional check-ins: Loud looking isn’t a replacement for empathy, so check in regularly with your date’s pace and comfort.
  • Don’t be demanding: Avoid overloading your profile with ultimatums. Be clear, not overwhelming.

“Clients often feel nervous about being too direct too early, but almost always this approach actually helps them attract the right people faster than vague flirting.”

When does loud looking work best?

  • Transitioning from casual to serious dating: Clearly state whether you’re looking for casual or committed, and avoid leaving matches guessing about your intentions.
  • Managing multiple dating apps: Be upfront on all platforms about what you’re seeking, as this reduces mixed signals and the potential for conflict.
  • Navigating cultural differences: Loud looking enables you to bridge expectation gaps across social and cultural backgrounds.
  • Navigating long-distance interests: This approach is especially useful when you’re dating across cities, even countries. Being clear on your expectations regarding travel, virtual communication and long-term goals prevents frustration, ensuring both parties are aligned.

Where does loud looking fit into modern dating culture?

The rise of loud looking reflects greater cultural shifts in dating:

  • digital saturation: Online dating can be overwhelming, so being explicit reduces wasted time and energy.
  • changing social norms: Ghosting, breadcrumbing and casual ambiguity are increasingly rejected in favour of direct communication.
  • emphasis on authenticity: More singles are valuing genuine compatibility over performative charm.

Clarity and honesty in the early stages of dating improve trust and cut down miscommunication in long-term relationships. Bold self-expression boosts dating satisfaction, because loud looking actually reflects the reality of how we’re wired to operate when it comes to romance.

How your matchmaker can help

  • Profile audit: We guide our clients in expressing their intentions transparently while staying authentic.
  • Conversation coaching: We teach practical techniques for discussing expectations without pressure or awkwardness.
  • Compatibility screening: We identity matches aligned with clients’ explicitly stated goals.
  • Boundary guidance: We coach on balancing directness with emotional intelligence.
  • Confidence-building exercises: We empower our clients to communicate bolding while staying approachable and empathetic.

At Maclynn, we ensure our clients practice loud looking in ways that don’t just filter matches, but that foster meaningful and compatible connections. We encourage clients to revisit their dating strategy every 6–12 weeks, refining their approach to maintain authenticity, and prompt them to recognise and celebrate small wins when matches respond positively.

Embrace clarity to revolutionise your love life

Loud looking isn’t just a trend. It’s a solution for the many dilemmas of modern dating.

By embracing honesty and intentionality, singles can save time, reduce stress, and connect with partners who genuinely align with their values. For many clients I’ve worked with, loud looking has brought a sense of control and empowerment over a process that can otherwise feel insurmountably chaotic. It’s an approach that transforms dating from a guessing game into a deliberate journey of personal and mutual fulfilment.

Every day, Maclynn’s expert team help clients seek love with confidence and purpose. So if you’re ready to be upfront and intentional while meeting highly compatible singles, get in touch today. Let us show you how to practice loud looking effectively, and meet the right people faster and with greater success.