When I got married I imagined that my husband would be the last person to see me naked. Except for the girls at the gym, natch. And the coroner. And the thought was liberating. I needn’t anguish over my body; now I could get on with more important things. Although I became increasingly fit in motherhood it was to let off steam rather than to look good.
It’s nerve-wracking to be back on the dating scene at forty. What are the objectives for romance now? Perhaps he wants more children; maybe you don’t. How do you blend families without adding hurt on hurt to the little people involved? It can be challenging to find time to even meet around children, jobs and travel.
But perhaps the most alarming part of all is getting your kit off with someone new after a decade of familial comfort and kids, crazy working hours, sleep deprivation, and the gravitational force of middle age. I used to idealize older men as a younger woman, but now years later, up close and single, the ravages of booze and wildly creeping chest hair are a little less, well, ideal. Surely if this is my feeling, how much more will a visually-driven male be horrified by me?
Most of us want to be seen and loved for who we really are and we expect someone of depth and character to look beyond the exterior. But love is usually on the other side of attraction. Even with the certain knowledge that looks don’t sustain a relationship don’t we all start there?
We’re not going to have the same body we had a decade ago and there’s a tendency to feel hopeless and frustrated about it. But our bodies will give back to us if we put in a little care. Notice the number of people who are in better shape now than they were in their twenties. I’m reminded every day that people at all stages of life can conquer their bellies, saddle bags, cellulite and things that go wobble in the night. It’s not over in middle age.
Perhaps all we can do at the moment is start small. A walk around the lake. A little more water. But small changes make a noticeable difference and this should give us the confidence to feel desirable no matter our age.
By Melissa Haggist
Melissa Haggist owns Total Package London – a mobile, bespoke fitness and personal styling company. The company specializes in fat loss and styling to optimize individual body shape. Find out more about what the company does at www.totalpackage.co.uk.
