We’ve all been there. Whether it’s a friend, neighbour or colleague suddenly and unexpectedly lavishing attention on you, even though up until that point you’d been entirely platonic, it can be a pretty confusing and disorienting situation. No one wants to jump to the wrong conclusion or commit some dreaded faux pas—but equally, when you’re right there in the moment, wouldn’t it be great if there were some telltale signs to look out for?
Yes, it would be great—so it’s great news that science has some answers!
Serious, or short and sweet?
First things first: men and women flirt differently. Women accentuate their appearance, while men tout their accomplishments. But there are commonalities between the sexes, too: flattery, eye contact and open posture are universal signs of romantic interest.
A 2018 study with the superb title title Creative Casanovas related the respective sexes’ mating strategies to how they flirt. The researchers noted that although flirting is used to subtly indicate romantic interest, most people are highly attuned to it—as well as at least somewhat proficient at deploying it themselves! They also found that those pursuing a short-term relationship use flirting behaviours that are more ‘atypical’ (that is, less expected in a romantic situation), as defined by the participants themselves. However, these same participants also recognised that more ‘typical’ flirting behaviours are typical precisely because they’re more likely to help the flirter’s cause and secure a date.
Safe is successful
The researchers found that ‘typical’ flirting behaviours are rated as more effective than atypical. They asked participants to rank behaviours spanning several public areas: gym, park, bar, classroom, workplace and restaurant. The behaviours included telling someone they looked like a celebrity, demonstrating familiarity with one of their interests, and speaking quietly to entice the recipient closer. More forward behaviours included playfully suggesting they hold hands, speaking in an overtly sexy voice, and asking if the recipient found them attractive or liked their perfume or aftershave. Most participants preferred the initiator to behave in ways deemed ‘typical’. However, those interested in pursuing a short-term relationship were more likely to prefer behaving in atypical ways when they were the initiator, but still to be flirted with in typical ways when they were the recipient. This seems to show that most of us prefer to use ‘subtle or atypical cues to maintain plausible deniability or to engage the interest of the target with creative but difficult-to-decipher approaches.’
The advantage of average
Healthy relationship development begins with interpreting the initial signs of romantic interest. But signal selection itself may actually represent more than just flirtatious creativity (hence Creative Casanovas)—it might also reveal the pursuit of short-term dating. So if you’re seeking something serious, responding to flirting behaviours that are fairly standard (typical) as opposed to leftfield (atypical) is a more reliable way of ensuring you connect with someone who wants something similar. And if you want to be totally sure you’re meeting someone who’s ready to settle down—and with whom you’re so compatible you can scarcely believe it—then look no further.
Maclynn is a boutique, multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in New York, New Jersey, California and London. We’re world-renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles within our vast network of attractive, intelligent professionals, and our matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. Get in touch today, and prepare for genuinely meaningful dating—just like you deserve.
