5 Fabulous Ways to Build Your Dating Confidence

4 min read

It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve dated—the jitters can leap out when you least expect them, whether this is your first date or your fifth. It makes sense: After all, you might be secretly hoping this person turns out to be the love of your life. That means emotions and expectations are often heightened, which generally leads to interesting encounters—“interesting” in either a good or a bad way, of course.

But whatever happens, if you know you’re prone to butterflies, you can still be at your best. You just need a game plan in place for dealing with the nerves if and when they arise! That way they don’t take over and leave you either lost for words or babbling incomprehensibly in front of your confused date. Because while you can never have total control over how well the date goes, you can control your confidence—by building it up like a muscle. So today I’m exploring 5 brilliant ways to enhance your dating confidence. In no time at all you can kiss goodbye to those butterflies! (Well, most of them anyway—but there’s nothing quite like that nervy excitement as you enter the bar to meet a 10/10 hottie!)

1. Hone your pre-date routine

We all love our rituals because they ground us, make us sure of ourselves—and there are few more important times to be calm and confident than before a big date. Think about what exercises and activities help you release tension in day-to-day life. Can you apply them to this situation, too? When you feel in control of what’s going on around you, you’re far better equipped to manage your nerves and appear happy and composed (even if a handful of those butterflies continue to flutter. “Fake it till you make it” couldn’t be more true when it comes to dating!) And if you’re stuck for ideas, try a pre-date playlist, meditation, dance, a workout, mindfulness—whatever it takes to center yourself in the here and now.

2. List the reasons your date will be happy to get to know you

This one isn’t about blowing your own trumpet. We just all need validation from time to time, especially when we’re exposing our vulnerability on the dating scene. If you can’t think of many positives about yourself, don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend. Alternatively, think about positive feedback you’ve had in the past from other social situations, such as from family, friends, and new acquaintances who have enjoyed your company. Then when you get nervous, refer to your list (either mentally or physically), and remember that your date is lucky to have a few hours of your time. (And remember too that they’re just as nervous as you, if not more so!)

3. Visualise how you want to feel on your date

Visualization has long been known to psychologists as a brilliant tool for achieving our goals. By imagining how you would like to feel in a future situation, you can actually predispose yourself to acting in certain ways that produce that feeling. What would you be saying? How would you be sitting? How would you be conveying interest to your date? You could even write this all down to make it more “real,” if that’s what you need to actualise your aims. Of course, visualization doesn’t always lead to success, be that in sports, an interview, or dating—but it does increase the likelihood that you’ll be brimming with confidence and come across extremely well!

4. Have some questions to hand if the conversation falters

It’s not uncommon to get tongue-tied on a date, especially if this is your first time meeting. The dreaded awkward silence can rear its ugly head even if you really like each other and things are going well. But you can get around that by planning some simple backup questions in advance for this exact situation! The best questions are open-ended (not yes-or-no): ‘So what are your family like?’; ‘How did you get into your line of work?’; ‘What kind of music do you listen to?’ They don’t have to be profound philosophical inquiries, just simple conversation starters guaranteed to spark an interesting dialogue and leave that awkward silence in the rear-view mirror.

5. Think about the times you’ve felt most confident

Who were you with recently when you felt at your best, your most vivacious and effervescent? What were you doing? Is there any correlation there? If so, see if you can emulate those activities and generate that confidence again before heading out on your date. Whether it was cooking, dancing, or writing that got you feeling on top of the world, see if it works before a romantic rendezvous, too! And if you need a little extra help boosting your dating confidence, well—we can help.

Maclynn International is a boutique, multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in London, New York, New Jersey, and California. We’re world-renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles within our vast network of attractive, intelligent professionals, and our matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. Get in touch today!

female, Maclynn team

About the Author

Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

In 2011, Rachel took a leap of faith. Following a series of serendipitous events, she founded Vida (now known as Maclynn) in London and never looked back. Rachel is a Chartered Member and Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society and holds a Master’s degree in Occupational Psychology. Her own values around integrity, delivering the highest standards, inclusion, and self-empowerment are at the core of Maclynn’s unique matchmaking model. Described by clients as calm, compassionate, warm and wise, she continues to be fully immersed in the business, working with a select number of VIP clients. In recent years, Rachel’s personal life has focused on raising her two young sons with her partner, Jamie. Rachel has also achieved her personal goals of running the New York Marathon and reaching the summit of Kilimanjaro.

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